How to Address People in Japanese: Guide to Pronouns and Titles

One of the most confusing things about Japanese is figuring out how to address people. Is あなた rude? When do I use さん vs 君? Can I use someone's first name? In English it's simple: 'you' for everyone. In Japanese... it's complicated. But this guide makes it clear.

The Golden Rule: Avoid Pronouns

The first thing to understand: in Japanese, personal pronouns are used much less than in English. Often, you simply don't say 'you' or 'I'. Context clarifies everything.

• Instead of 'Do you want coffee?' → 'コーヒー、飲みますか？' (Coffee, drink?)
• Instead of 'I'm going home' → '家に帰ります' (Going home)
• Instead of 'What's your name?' → 'お名前は？' (The name?)

If you need to refer to someone, use name + suffix, not a pronoun.

あなた (Anata): When to Use It (Almost Never)

あなた means 'you', but using it is often rude or strange. Here's why:

• With strangers: sounds accusatory, like pointing a finger
• With superiors: definitely rude
• With friends: too distant, use their name
• With partners: here it's sweet, means 'dear' (wives use it with husbands)

Alternative: use the person's name + さん, or their professional title. 田中さんはどう思いますか？ instead of あなたはどう思いますか？

Honorific Suffixes: The Social Hierarchy

さん (San) - The Safe Default

さん is neutral, respectful, and always works. Mr./Mrs./Ms. all in one. Use it with:

• Colleagues: 田中さん (Tanaka-san)
• Customers: お客さん (okyaku-san)
• Strangers: the safest choice
• People older than you: always

様 (Sama) - Maximum Respect

様 is super-formal. Use it with:

• Customers in business contexts: お客様 (okyaku-sama)
• Formal letters and emails: 田中様
• Deities: 神様 (kami-sama, God)
• Joking with friends: ironically, to exaggerate

君 (Kun) - Masculine Informality

君 is mainly used for boys/men who are younger or equal status. It implies familiarity but not intimacy.

• Boss → male subordinate: 田中君
• Teacher → male student
• Among teenage male friends
• Note: sometimes used for women in offices (a bit dated)

ちゃん (Chan) - Affection and Cuteness

ちゃん is affectionate, cute. It implies emotional closeness.

• Children: ゆきちゃん
• Young girls/women among friends
• Pets: ネコちゃん (kitty)
• Partners/significant others in private
• Caution: using it with strangers is rude

先輩/後輩 (Senpai/Kōhai) - The Hierarchy

Fundamental in Japanese school and work contexts:

• 先輩 (senpai): someone who joined before you (school, work, club)
• 後輩 (kōhai): someone who joined after you
• It's not about age or competence, only seniority

先生 (Sensei) - Master

先生 isn't just for teachers. Use it with:

• Teachers: 山田先生
• Doctors: お医者先生
• Lawyers, politicians, famous writers
• Anyone who is a 'master' in their field

When to Use First Name vs Last Name

In Japan, using someone's first name without permission is intrusive. Wait until you're invited to do so.

Other Pronouns: I and They

Ways to Say 'I'

• 私 (watashi): neutral, always safe
• 僕 (boku): males, informal-medium
• 俺 (ore): males, informal, a bit 'macho'
• あたし (atashi): females, informal
• 自分 (jibun): reflexive, also used as 'I' in certain contexts

Ways to Say 'They/You (plural)'

• 皆さん (minasan): 'everyone', polite
• 皆 (minna): 'everyone', informal
• 彼/彼女 (kare/kanojo): he/she, but also 'boyfriend/girlfriend'
• あの人 (ano hito): 'that person', neutral

Common Foreigner Mistakes

• Using あなた with everyone: sounds strange or rude
• Calling someone by name only without suffix: too intimate
• Using ちゃん with strangers: inappropriate
• Referring to yourself with 俺 in formal contexts: rude
• Using 君 with superiors: hierarchically wrong

Quick Cheat Sheet

Conclusion

When in doubt, use last name + さん. It's the safest choice in almost every situation. Over time, by observing how Japanese people address each other, you'll develop the right intuition. Until then, better to be too formal than too informal.